We’re almost to the end of 2021 and what a year this has been. Struggling through another year of Covid and restrictions, a lot of people, had another difficult year, understandably so. This year really tested everything for me, my faith in everything, from my life, to my spiritual being, my relationships, even my job and career field. In a lot of ways this year was harder for me, but in other ways it presented new opportunities and also made me have a deeper appreciation for everything in my life.
This year I went through everything from losing a family member to Covid, losing friends because of betrayal, financially reaching a point where I didn’t have enough to pay my car loan and expenses, to hospital visits, two of my closest friends moving away and me even changing jobs. From the panic and anxiety attacks to relapses and episodes of depression, to struggling with other health issues. To say it was a lot for me was an understatement. But in some weird twist of fate, I became one of the lucky ones where at almost to the end of this year I’m doing a lot better. It didn’t come easy but the biggest lesson out of this was the ability to appreciate things a lot more, especially the small things.
Losing a family member to Covid, even if we weren’t close and hospital visits to see my mom after she got sick, not with Covid, but if you know me personally, you’ll know why. It taught me to really appreciate my family even more. Anyone who knows my family knows how close we are. We actually enjoy and love spending time with each other and doing things together. But I began to truly see the smallest details of the things we do. Like my eldest brother asking if I’m heading out for the day every morning, like Inz sending me memes and animal pictures in IG throughout the day. Like my dad updating me on sports scores while I’m working. Like my mom and I having breakfast almost every morning and her drinking a cup of tea and me a cup of coffee. That morning coffee, from the two spoons of sugar and milk to the strong coffee smell filling the kitchen when I first pour the hot water. To the first sip I take. Every little detail with them. Having been in the position of where my entire family almost came crashing down, it awakens you to really love everything you experience with them.
Losing 2 of my closest friends was very hard for me as well, especially Sadira moving away. You’re gonna read this Sadira and know just how much I cried. I was so happy for you because I know what an incredible individual you are and how well you’re gonna do, and the life you’re gonna live and I’m so so proud of you like the big sister I am. You are one of the smartest and the kindest individuals I have ever had the pleasure of having in my life. You’ll always be one of the most important people ever, and your moving away can’t stop that especially since we talk everyday anyway. But damn I cried. You are in every aspect of the word my sister, and when you left it was like a part of me did as well. But I look back on our pictures and endless videos and smile with happy tears because of those moments. Of course, in the moment I probably didn’t appreciate it as much because we were always just experiencing it all as it happened. But I’m so grateful we are the types to take endless pictures and videos every single time we met up. So in Sadira leaving, it made me have an even deeper love for my genuine friendships. My friendships have always been one of the most important things in my life, which is why I try to be there for my people as much as possible. And to say I care and love you guys is an understatement. In a lot of ways, the people in my life all hold a part of me and I know some people would say that’s dangerous but it’s who I am and have always been. Because what is it to be human without human connection. So I appreciate every moment I have with my friends, to the bad karaoke and terrible dancing to every meal, every shot, every hug, every smile and weird face exchanged. To the selfies and group photos. Every moment I’ve learnt to appreciate with all of you.
This year I made the leap to leave a job that I’ve had since 2016, a job that has taught me a lot. It’s an experience that looking back, I honestly wouldn’t have changed for anything. In that same job I developed my love for printing that I’m able to use now in my own business. The late nights helped me to develop a certain work ethic for myself. I was able to learn a lot more about photography and studio use. It’s an opportunity I had that I’d never knock down. In leaving, they had a wonderful going away party for me and in it they let me know how much they appreciated me as well, of course y’all know me, I cried, I’m a crier I can’t help it. But I also let them know how much I appreciated the job and opportunity they gave me. Everything has a season and time and we all realized this one came to end.
In that moment, I learnt to appreciate every season that I’ve experienced in my life, even the bad ones, because even though some of them almost quite literally ended me, in a lot of ways they strengthen me. And even though I’m one of those that believe w e shouldn’t have to go through heart wrenching situations, I honestly wonder if I would’ve been the person I am today if I didn’t. I mean I learnt compassion because often times I wasn’t given it. I became a person who tries to help others when they’re struggling because I felt like I was alone at one point. I encourage people to ask for help and reach out because I wish I did. I give back because I know what it’s like to be without. So, while I know we all say and wish in a lot of ways we didn’t go through the struggles we did or even are currently going through, to be cliche, I have t o believe there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Because if someone who was suicidal at the age of 15 is writing this at the age of now 26 more than 10 years later, I was lucky enough in a glimpse of that moment to grasp some type of hope.
I know there’re a lot of people out there who are going through far worse things than I have, but I’m encouraging everyone to try as best as you could to look for the little things that in any way possible makes you happy, that you could appreciate. Whether it’s the ability to brush your teeth in the morning or to hear your children’s laughter, or maybe a smile from a stranger, or good customer service. I’m not saying anyone is ungrateful if they’re unable to see those little things, because I know how hard it could be to find when you’re in a very dark place, but do like me and write down the good moments when they happen, take pictures and videos and look back on them whenever you can. It’s one of the reasons I take pictures and selfies so much whether I’m by myself or with friends or even with Jasper, because in those moments when I feel myself slipping or things get hard, I pull up one of those moments and reminisce and smile even just a little because those moments meant so much. Because to me, the little things are what makes life worth living.