Whether it’s an old job, a relationship or a place, we all have to move on from something or someone at some point in our lives. But if you’re like me then moving on is possibly one of the most difficult things you can do. Whether it hurts us or the other people involved, moving on is never easy, emotionally, physically and mentally, it takes a toll on you.
In my twenty-six years of life, I’ve had to move on from a lot. From relationships, friends, family members and jobs. You’d think by now I’d be an expert at it, but my anxiety up to now gets the better of me. Thinking about it gets my heart pounding, I breathe heavy and fast, my thoughts run a mile a minute and I even get nauseous, and this isn’t even when I’m about to make the decision. No one time was ever easier than the other and I think in a lot of ways it’s because we know in moving on, we’re leaving a piece of ourselves behind with that person or place. We’veinvested our time and energy and maybe even gave a part of ourselves over, and having to part with it is heartbreaking.
But how do you know when it’s time to move on? To be honest we always do know, deep down, we always know. But a part of our minds tells us that it’s gonna be difficult or painful to leave, maybe even having to start over, so we stick with the familiar until it pushes us to a point where we have no other choice. To avoid that these are my tips.
Be honest with yourself. Like I said, we always know when we should move on. When a thing, place or person is no longer supposed to be a part of us and we have to depart from them, or even holding onto something that we need to let go of. The first step is to recognize and be honest that we have to. You know that saying that women mentally leave a relationship before we physically do? I know for me that it’s true. In my last relationship I mentally checked out, almost 3 months before I made the actual decision to leave. Moving on and accepting that we need to is first an important mental decision to make. It’s something you have to accept first before you actually do it, because if you don’t, at the last minute you can chicken out. So, look within yourself and admit to yourself when that person or thing is no longer good for you, or maybe that you’ve even outgrown it and it’s time to move forward. Denial is only going to hurt you more in the long run.
Emotionally prepare yourself. Whether it’s a conversation that needs to happen, or just picking up yourself and leaving, it’s going to emotionally impact you, and you need to prepare for what you’re going to do. I’m one of those people who types out whole messages in notes before I press send, the type who practices conversations in front of the mirror before I actually do it or read out emails hundred times to make sure it gets the message across before I think about hitting send. It may seem like a crazy thing to do but honestly it helps, it helps me to hear myself saying it by gaining confidence in what I’m about to say. It offers me reassurance with my decision. They say practice makes perfect so this should be the same too. Doing this also helps to ensure that you do it the right way as well. Because no one really wants to leave abruptly or angrily, yes sometimes things happen and we have to make an immediate decision, but if you’re able to, always make sure you leave in a way that you never have to question yourself or your actions.
Physically preparing yourself. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m one of those whose anxiety takes o v e r when they actually go to hit send or have that conversation. The way I prepare for it, is to first catch my breath, I take a few slow breaths, in and out, to have proper control of my breathing and this also helps to calm my racing heart. If it’s an in-person conversation or decision that has to be made, and you get nauseous like me, I usually don’t eat heavy, I’ll have something like a banana and water, so I won’t worry about acid building to make me sick but also, I’ll have something light enough than it won’t make me throw up.
Hit send. Whether it’s through text or in person, it’s important to remember why this was something you wanted and needed to do in the first place. Don’t lose track of that when conversations are being held and don’t second guess yourself. Understand as well some people can be manipulative, but that’s something you’ll already know as well. Remember that while other’s feelings matter so do yours, don’t lose track of that when actually going ahead with wanting to move on. Especially when life has a tendency to repeat itself when we don’t learn our lesson and it usually hurts way worse the next time.
Allow yourself to cry. Obviously moving on is going to be emotional, it might be bittersweet, it might be gut wrenching, you might even feel happier than ever. But whatever it is allow yourself to feel those emotions. Don’t feel weak if you cry or feel guilty if you’re happy. Only you will truly know why you made that decision, so don’t allow anyone to make you feel a certain way about your decision. There is nothing wrong if you need to even take a few days to catch yourself. When I broke up with my ex, I took almost a month to be fully okay with it, because even though it was a toxic relationship it still hurt because he had a part of me. When I left jobs, it also took a while for me to be okay with it, even if me leaving at those times were valid, I still needed to come to terms with the change. That’s another important factor we have to consider as well, that it’s a new change. It’s going to take getting used to, because now our lives are going to be different, whether in a big way or small way, it’s still a change and you’re allowed to take time to accept and deal with that change. Don’t allow anyone to dictate your pace when it comes to healing, the important thing is that you do. You also shouldn’t feel ashamed if you need to ask for help in dealing with it either. If you have a great support system such as friends and family, then I could almost guarantee you’re not going to bother them. And if you don’t have that support system, then don’t feel ashamed either in going for help, whether it’s a support group or therapy. Sometimes we need help to move on too and it’s okay to ask for it.
Everyone deals with situations differently, it’s important that you don’t allow it to consume you, but you heal from it. Life isn’t easy and often times we have to make difficult decisions. A lot of those decisions will cause you to have to move on from people, places and things, but what’s important is that we recognize when we have to and make the choice to move on. It’s not easy moving on but don’t let the fear of doing it hold you back.