“Female friendships that work are relationships in which women help each other belong to themselves.” A strong and important quote said by Louise Bernikow, but how important are female friendships as a woman?
Growing up for me I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by female figures of all types. Business women, women in sports, women in the arts, teachers, my mom alone was and still is a strong female figure in my life. But recently in talking with a friend who grew up with a single father, she explained to me that she wasn’t really surrounded by women growing up and as she got older, her friendship with me was something she cherished because I was like a sister to her in some ways. This conversation got me thinking about how important it is as women, to have female connections.
Now even though I grew up with strong women, I also grew up around mostly men as well. I have two older brothers, I’m pretty close to my dad and I have a lot of uncles and male cousins, so to simply put it I also grew up pretty tom-boyish. I was the one glued to the tv playing video games with my brother, out there playing sports with my dad, and even growing up I had a lot of male friends, so men also had a strong influence in my life. Growing up in a Caribbean household, certain things weren’t as openly discussed when growing up, even now certain things as an adult I still won’t talk about with my parents or even my mom. Don’t get me wrong my mom and I pretty close, but there’re some things you need friends for, especially female friends. Guaranteed I have some of the best male friends in my life, but come on guys y’all don’t really wanna hear about sex, period problems and us gushing about the hot new guy in our lives. But more importantly men and women are different, and as much as I love them, there would be some serious issues that you just need a woman’s perspective on.
Growing up I had some incredible female best friends, some who I’m lucky to say I still have in my life. I went through everything with these girls, from getting my period, to fights with my parents, to exam stress, first boyfriends, to first broken hearts, abusive relationships, being cheated on, to finding love again, to getting our first cars, first jobs, to leaving jobs and finding our careers. To say these girls haven’t made it easier would be a lie, because I know with their support and love, it helped so much. Being able to call up my girlfriends and go out for random lunches or drinks especially on those days I needed a life break or to just talk and they would just listen. To laughing and watching Netflix while doing our makeup, all those little moments helped me so much in my life to be comfortable in who I am. These girls helped me find who I am in a lot of ways.
Now I’m not saying every female friendship is perfect. I know all too well that it’s not. I’ve experienced the cattiness, the jealousy, the lies with other female friendships as well. I’ve been honestly burnt by more female friendships than with men, so I understand the common statement made by some women that they prefer male friendship because it’s less drama, because some women aren’t good at female friendships either. But like I said as a woman with a lot of male friends, they could honestly never replace my girls. There’s just something about having that sisterhood that is irreplaceable.
One thing is important when it comes to female friendships, and that’s to make sure they align with your dreams and life as well. If you know you’re a strong headed and determined woman who wants to be somewhere with financial success then you can’t exactly be friends with a woman who parties every single night. What works for one woman might not work for you. It’s important to have friends in general who see your vision and encourage you to reach your goals and dreams. Finding balance in your life is where friendships can help tremendously. They could help you reach and achieve your dream but also help you when you need a break. I can’t tell you how many times my girlfriends have come through when I’ve needed that break, especially as a work fanatic. They help bring me back and realize that I need to relax as well.
Sometimes your girls will also be the best listeners for you. I can’t tell you how much it helped to discuss my past relationships and heartache with my girls and the number one reason is because they got it. Again, not saying men don’t experience heartache, but men and women typically go through emotions differently. My girls got it when I needed to break down and cry, when I wanted to cut my hair and lose myself in myself for a couple days before I got back into life. They held me and cried with me when I went through pain. They ate ice cream and joined in when I talked about all the ways I wanted to improve my life from there on out.
Girlfriends are also brutally honest. One thing I could always count on my girls for is, honesty. If they didn’t like the choices I was making or a new boyfriend, they wouldn’t hesitate to let me know, and sometimes even when it’s not what we want to hear, it’s needed. When the people who know you best, see you going down a road that isn’t you, they step up and guide you back. I’ve found that this is more prominent among women than men. Women aren’t afraid generally to speak up to their friends when things are going down a wrong road. I can’t tell you how many times my girls used to tell me they didn’t like my exes and they’ve been right every single time on why they didn’t.My girls are the easiest people to talk to about my jobs and dreams and any struggles I face as well as a young, independent woman, because chances are they also face the same or similar issues. So not only are they able to offer advice but also the comfort that I’m not alone.
Don’t get me wrong I love all of my friends, male and female, they all impact and bring greatness to my life. But there’s in comfort in my female friendships as a woman, it’s a powerful thing when a woman has your back in this world, and I’m lucky to have some of the strongest women I know in my life. Here’s to our women.