I recently got asked by a friend, what do I do when I’m feeling worthless, like I’m not good enough. For the first time in helping my friends and giving advice, I was silenced. I honestly had to really think on that question: “What do I do when I’m feeling like I’m not good enough?”
I had to be frank with my answer in that I don’t have a way of dealing with it. I honestly still feel that on most days. I told him I honestly just ride out the feeling till I feel a bit better about myself. Which I know isn’t the right way of going about it. Because it’s not that I don’t know what I have to offer or my worth per say, but sometimes you really question if something is wrong with you when things just can’t seem to be going right. My best advice at that point was to just not let it consume him, and that he and some of my other friends help a lot by always offering kind and caring words. But sometimes even that isn’t enough. Your mind is such a complicated thing and it can make you feel so worthless.
I’ve been dealing with these feelings since I was a teenager, and it’s honestly never really gotten better. One minute you think for a split second that just maybe you’re worth it and then something happens or someone comes along and destroys that. I envy the ones who have total confidence and belief in their worth because to reach that point is a struggle for some of us. Some of us find ourselves in situations that have left scars and a trauma that is so hard to get over. At my age of almost 25 I’m still dealing with mine. I don’t know if you ever really get over that either. Because I think somewhere in the back of your mind you still question things, you still wonder if people are honest with you and wanting to be with you, when you live with a past of being betrayed and mistreated it’s hard to trust. It’s hard to trust when people say you’re good enough.
You think to yourself every negative thing you’ve ever been told and it changes you. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the person I was when for a brief time I was really happy. When I didn’t apologize for who I was. When I didn’t constantly feel I was a bother to people because I was told that I was annoying. That I wasn’t told that I talked too much and that I could talk passionately about the things that mattered to me or when I got excited about something. Before I was told I was emotional and too much to handle, especially when I have an emotional disorder. Told that I wasn’t worth it.
I don’t know how to deal with all of this and every single day I struggle. I wake up some days and only see every flaw and imperfection that was ever pointed out to me. Then you start to wonder if something is wrong with you and that it’s your fault. Nothing about this is easy. My only advice is to reach out to someone who can help or even be a listening ear, sometimes it helps to just vent out your feelings and give yourself a moment to be vulnerable and feel everything. As crazy as it sounds one of the most relieving things I’ve done is go for a night drive, park up and just cry and scream my pain out. Bottling all that pain and hurt and negative feelings only brings harm to yourself. Even though I still struggle with my sense of worth from time to time, I believe that with positive reinforcement from the people around you and within your own self, it is possible to overcome it. Therefore, realize your own, know it and protect it and never let anyone compromise your sense of self-worth.