Recently a friend of mine asked me how to deal with heartbreak and to be honest I didn’t know what to tell them. Because what do you really say to that question, there is no easy way to deal with that and everyone handles pain differently.
In my 24 years of life I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been through it. I’m honestly not one of the best when it comes to dealing with that pain. I tend to isolate myself and say and do some stupid things sometimes. Sometimes I think I’m over certain things and then all of a sudden, they come back in waves. What exactly is it to experience heartbreak? For many people it can be different. For me though, when it happens, it’s almost like your heart completely stops and you lose the ability to breathe. It’s a feeling of being trapped in a room and the walls slowly caving in. Its pain and sadness and anger, it can be so much anger sometimes. It’s even worse when it happens in a public space and you have to stop yourself from reacting, you feel yourself choking on the tears and the agony you want so badly to let out. You want to scream and curse and just fall completely to the floor in sheer pain.
People experience heartbreak for many reasons, sometimes a person cheats, sometimes you lose them to death, maybe another never loves you back, or maybe they just stop loving you, they wake up one day and realize they just don’t love you anymore. Love is such a funny and complicated thing sometimes. People always say if love is truly real it will never leave, but I’ve seen couples who were so madly in love at one point and then a day comes when one just doesn’t love the other anymore. To me that’s frightening. That you can give one person your entire world, give them everything you can possibly have and do anything you can in your power for them to be happy and to feel loved, and they can just one day decide they don’t want you anymore. Even worse when a person cheats, I never understood that, how can you know that a person trusts you with their heart, soul and body and you turn to betray them in such a way you can change their whole outlook on love.
How do we move on from something that feels like it’s consuming us? Because the pain of heartbreak is very real. One of my favourite songs of this year was Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi, and while the song and every lyric I felt in my soul, the video, while simple was very powerful. It shows Capaldi walking in one direction while the woman he loves walks in another, showing her leaving him, not loving him anymore. There are moments when he turns around and begins to follow her and someone stops him. All the people that stops him from going back to her and the pain, I see as a friend or family, his support system. A support system of good friends and family is important with not just dealing with heartbreak but with life in general. Having someone to talk things out and to cry with, helps a lot. Sometimes we think it’s easier to isolate ourselves and deal with the pain alone, but at times that may make it worse, because we’re left to our negative thoughts.
One thing I’ve done is to accept it for what it is. To allow yourself to hurt and cry, even scream if you have to. Bottling it up does nothing to protect you from hurting you and even others further. I’m speaking from experience, because it will eventually come out and it’ll hurt even worse. The best way to move on or heal is to accept the situation as hard as it may be.
Don’t let the pain make you feel unworthy or less than. Many times, I found myself questioning why I wasn’t good enough, or what I did that was so wrong to deserve that treatment or pain. The truth is sometimes, you probably did nothing wrong, you could do everything right and it still won’t make a person love you or want to stay. But don’t feel like you’re unworthy of love, because not everyone’s going to love you, which is why it’s important that you love you. That you don’t forget what you can offer to someone, and have hope that you’ll find someone who wants to make you as happy as you make them. Someone who will never give up on you. Someone who will know that, regardless of your flaws, you’re beautiful. A person whose loyalty and trust you won’t have to question, and wonder if you’re the only one. Someone who will love you as you love them.
“Love unashamedly, with no reservation, freely, trust in love and open up your eyes and the world will become a much more beautiful place for all of us.” ~ Anonymous