So, I had a hard time deciding what topic I wanted to talk about this week, I had a lot to choose from, but today this one kinda hit close to home.

We all know the scenes from Perks of being a Wallflower, one being when Sam says, “Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?” To which Charlie replies, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I wonder how many of us do this, accept careless treatment by other people because we think we deserve it? Do we think we deserve it? What other explanation is there in which we stay in knowingly toxic relationships and situations.

Why do we do it? Some of us find ourselves in situations where we know the other person will never love us the way we want or can barely treat us with care and decency. Where we find ourselves being used and taken advantage of, and we know it’s happening, deep down I believe we always know. So why do we stay? Are we that starved for affection and love? Is it a fear of never finding love, that causes us to settle for the bare minimum? We see it all the time, even in the movies and the shows we watch, there’s always this good girl who falls for the jerk, or the nice guy who falls for the mean girl, in the end though, because most of these teen romcoms ends happy,they’re able to change the jerk/mean girl and they fall in love and live happily ever after. But that’s not reality, the only realistic part is the nice ones falling for the toxic, and to clarify: toxic doesn’t have to mean physically abusive or someone who’s a cheater or liar, toxic can also be someone who always wants but never gives, who expects you to be there 24/7 but can’t even reply to your message whole day. Someone who only gives you attention when they need something, the one who will never show affection in public but in private they act like they care. A person who you have to beg to see, or to spend time with, because they’re never available for you, the one who acts “friendly with everyone,” but likes to tell you, you’re special to them.

We can give so much to these kinds of people, and expect nothing in return but to simply be cared and loved or simply appreciated, but these days it seems like that’s asking for too much. You’ll be there for them whenever they need, and whatever time they need you but the minute you need them, you’re asking for too much. I’ve seen so many good people completely give up on love and relationships, and if I’m being honest at this point, I’m closely reaching there myself. I used to believe love and being in love meant something, but I’m beginning to wonder if most people even know what that means anymore. Now I know that there’re some incredible people out there obviously, but guess what, instead of falling for each other, we’re falling for the bad ones. I truly admire anyone who has manage to find themselves in an honest, caring and loving relationship these days, because the ways of the world have made many of us cold. Because while some of us may not see that kind of love, I think some people don’t know how to give that type of love either. Cold hearts are what many people are made of now, what other explanation is there for treating people so low and using people for your advantage, or doing something that you know deep down will end up hurting someone but you do it anyway. When did we become such a selfish society, only caring for our own feelings and disregarding others?

How do we overcome this? What steps do we have to take to avoid finding ourselves in these toxic situations and how do we move on from them? I honestly wish I knew. People talk about the first step is finding confidence in ourselves and truly knowing what we actually deserve, not what we think we deserve. Being able to say the word no, is a big one I would say, knowing our limits on what we’ll do, so we won’t be taken advantage of. Now that doesn’t mean you’re going to be uncaring and selfish as well, it just means that we understand there’s a give and take with relationships, of any kind, whether it be friendships, love, or family. We can’t be expected to give constantly yet be left begging for even a teardrop of attention or affection. We need to find the strength to leave if we find ourselves in those positions as well, because again, you can know deep down you deserve better but refuse to leave because of fear. We also need to stop glorifying honesty and loyalty, we need higher standards than that, those two things should be expected if you’re in a relationship of any kind. They’re basic requirements for any relationship. It doesn’t impress me if you claim you’re honest or loyal, because if you’re anything but then you’re just a low person. I’m tired of seeing good people taken advantage of. I’m tired of people just being cold and selfish all the time, it’s not cool, it’s not manly or tough, or impressive. What’s impressive to me is affection, it’s laughing and spending time with the people you claim to care for. What’s strong is being able to speak on your feelings, to admit when you’re wrong, to be there and support, it’s strong to love.